not in any order by priority, it is all important…
Be a save the planet type of person, like take Bikes about town vice rideshare, turn out the lights when you leave a room.
Don’t have a lot of stuff. Your room is furnished. There are chests of drawers, but only about 30″ of hanging space.
Have an exit plan to be out by the end of May 2020, so my sister and my Frameline friends can have their rooms back for next summer.
Have a repulsion to or as a minimum no uncontrollable urges to cook red meat. Major bonus points if you eat a lot of Indian food, Italian, and nice if you are vegetarian.
Don’t store opened or prepared food anywhere other than in the kitchen and pantry or eat in your bed or in your room, unless you are convalescing from a previous illness.
Not have pets or friends who visit with pets, including amphibians, birds, fish, insects, mammals, and reptiles.
Have an aversion to smokers and be a non-smoker yourself – including away from home and E-cigs. If you think you can get by as a closet smoker, you can’t, you will wreak like smoke, you just can’t smell it like others can.
Not be in denial if you have a problem with EtOH. Hey, we all may have time when we over-indulge, but I’m not willing to become part of your non-problem.
Not use scented soaps, lotions or cremes, nor wear perfumes, colognes or fragrances except roll-on underarm products. Best yet if you have severe allergies to fragrances &/or tobacco.
Know the difference between Stainless Steel and Anodized Aluminum and know which can be washed in the dishwasher and which must be hand washed.
Deal with flatmates who don’t get fully dressed to walk through the house to get to the morning paper or between the shower and the hot tub.
Not be an at-home sex addict – see “Some REAL Hard Rules.”
Have basic housekeeping skills; be willing to share them as I am not the only maid here. You should be vacuuming the carpet in your room weekly (yea, unrealistic and you’ll probably only do it every 2-3 weeks) and help try to keep our carpet clean by using door mats.
Be able to follow basic instructions. If you lack the attention to detail to follow simple instructions like how to respond to a Craigslist ad, how can I trust that you’ll be able to carry out routines like locking the doors to the flat?
Understand how composting & recycling work in San Francisco (again, following basic instructions). If you think your snotty kleenex belongs in the trash, you will flunk the entrance exam.
Own some sweaters, long pants and socks, as year-round this 1885 victorian can get cool inside and trying to heat it to a tropical climate so you can walk around in your jock strap in the middle of February will mostly contribute to the accelerated extinction of the ursus maritimus and other species.
Be cool with showering outside so if we replaster/paint the bathroom you can get clean until we can get things back.
When I fly home with 23kg luggages containing a case of cane sugar Coca-Cola®, don’t drink it while I’m out of the house.
Be cool with Costco/TJs/Whole Foods food sharing as it is nonsensical to fill the reefer and cook separately all the time. Note this says sharing FOOD, not sharing WINE.
Not fill in the crossword puzzles out of my Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday NY Times, nor the Ken-Ken of any day M-F. You are welcome to read all of the paper M-F**.
Not have a past history of punching out or threatening your boyfriend with sharp objects when he said “no” or kicking or throwing stuff when your life sucks.
Agree as a condition of moving in that if you get drunk and crawl into my bed on a cold night, you will not accuse me of date-rape drugging you and sexual assault when you wake up in the morning then barf.
AND if light/medium duty construction chores (like removing 130 year old lathe & plaster and hanging sheetrock) excite you, we might be able to come up with some very fair “share the work” to offset some or all the rent and maybe more (no promises, particularly during the winter, though).
Note to Ivy League Grads:
If you are an Ivy League grad, you are likely not a good match. I have enough experience to know that you are probably a slob, will use the floor of your room as your closet and dirty clothes hamper, you won’t change your sheets, you don’t know how to wash pot and pans to make them clean, and recycling and composting are either above your head or below your dignity. Find another place or explain to me how “you are special” somehow compared to others.
Now, the hard rules.